Happy Holiday, You Bastard!

Over the last month, some of my friends have been posting daily "I am thankful for" statuses. Inspired by their gratefulness, I've decided to write a month's worth of things that I'm thankful for here on my blog.

I, Kelly Ann McIntyre, on this 22nd day of November, am thankful for the following things:

1.Music. Music boggles my mind. I mean, what? People were just sitting around one day, bored, and were like, let me say these words in the form of a song? And then someone else was like, Sounds good, Hank. I'm going to beat a rhythm on this rock while you do it? And then another person was like, All right guys. While you two are doing that, I'm going to construct something out of wood and strings and then I'll join you? Seriously--how did music even start?

2. Sushi

3.  Having cute kids. I know I'd love Griffin and Keifer just as much if they weren't cute, but if they were ugly, I might not be so quick to admit they were mine.

4. JK Rowling and the magical world she's created and Universal Studios for constructing a place that allows me, however briefly, to be part of that magic.

5. Margaritas

6. Meat alternatives, particularly Morningstar Farms veggie bacon and sausage and Gardein Chipotle Lime Cripsy Fingers.

7. My writing ability. I must've brought it with me from a past life because there's never been a time that I didn't have it. So thanks previous version of me.

8. Deodorant. About this, I'd be even more thankful if more of my students used it.

9. Dogs. I honestly can't say if anything has consistently made me happier than my dogs.

10. Orthotics. Without them, I couldn't even walk, let alone run.

11. Being smart. Using the Internet and being a teacher has allowed me to see how ignorant some people really are and the dangers of it. I'm thankful not only that I'm educated but that I have the ability to understand the education I've received/continually receive.

12. Joss Whedon. Life without the Buffyverse? What an empty, sad life that would be.

13. Books. Oh, the places you can go.

14. Air conditioning. How did people even exist before its invention? I would have lived in Canada for sure.

15. Makeup. This may seem like a silly thing to be thankful for, but I can't express how magical I think makeup is. Women are so lucky to be able to transform themselves into anything they feel like transforming themselves into on any whim they might have.

16.Cake. This one is like music to me. Where did cake even come from? How is it that one day someone just decided to mix flour and eggs and butter and whatever else goes into a cake? How, how, how, did that first cake come to be?

17. My butt

18. Modern medicine. Even though I refuse to take medicine of any kind, I'm thankful that it exists. I have no idea how many lives have been saved thanks to modern medicine, but I'm pretty sure it's pretty high.

19. Having a healthy, reasonably happy family. There's so much tragedy in the world. I'm so thankful that very little of it has affected me.

20. Getting along with my mother right now. I don't know how long it'll last, but at least for now, things are good.

21. My bed. There is nothing--nothing--I like doing more than getting in bed.

22. Running water and electricity. This is something I always take for granted, but after the hurricane that hit a few years ago (was it Katrina? I'm really not sure), I didn't have either for long enough to know I wouldn't want to live without them.

23. The washing machine. Without it, I'd have to buy new clothes all the time.

24. Chris. Not many people are lucky enough to have had such a close friend for such a long time. Not only am I lucky enough to have had one, I'm lucky enough that she's Chris.

25. Bras. How much must women's backs have hurt before the bra (or precursor to the bra, the corset) was invented? And let's not even talk about under-the-boob sweat.

26. Stephen King. Yes, I already said books, but SK falls into an entirely different category. If I'd never read Stephen King, my imagination, my writing, and as a result, probably my life, would be remarkably different.

27. Hudson's tongue. Oh, the happiness I feel when Hudson kisses me. You wouldn't understand.

28. Toothpaste/toothbrushes/dental hygiene in general. If you know me, you probably know I have a slight obsession with brushing my teeth. What can I say? I like a clean mouth.

29. Q-tips Ahhh.

30. Glenn. There's way too much for me to say about this one, so I won't go into it. I'll just say that no matter what happens with us, I'm thankful for him having taken care of me for the last almost-fifteen years and for the family he's given me, and that includes Griffin, Keifer, Hudson, Jazzy, and my angel, Christopher.


I could do this all day! But don't worry--I won't.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Have a thanks-filled day.

November Pain

November 1987: Chris, Hope, and Mary decide to hate me. Mary passes pictures of me kissing my dog around school prompting every student who attends Perry Middle to bark at me in the halls. For months school sounds more like a dog pound than a learning facility.

November 1991: Louie calls me Diane during sex, so I end our year-and-a-half relationship. He apologizes like a lunatic for all of about three days at which point he starts seeing Cricket behind my back but is soon caught due to my superhuman sense of smell.

November 1992: Pregnancy. Not planned. Not remotely.

November 1998: Pregnancy. Not planned. (But I knew who the father was.)

November 2010: Glenn and I separate. Torrential downpour of drama ensues.
 
November 2012: Duh.